


His Obsession

by Lixxzyy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo is Not Nice, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Forced Pregnancy, Gaslighting, I Don't Even Know, Manipulative Relationship, Minor Bazine/Kylo, Minor Poe Dameron/Rey, Murder, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Older Man/Younger Woman, Please Don't Hate Me, Possessive Kylo Ren, Pregnancy Kink, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Assault, Stalking, Stockholm Syndrome, Submissive Rey (Star Wars), Tags May Change, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:33:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lixxzyy/pseuds/Lixxzyy
Summary: After being sexually assaulted at a college party, Rey tries to come to terms with her trauma and move on with her life with the help of her fiancé, Poe. After meeting Kylo, one of Poe's old friends from college, Rey begins to start to remember more vivid details of her assault, like the true name of her attacker- Ben Solo.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 55
Kudos: 204





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [creep](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554175) by [amybeegood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybeegood/pseuds/amybeegood). 



The lights flash in tempo with the music.

Where did Kaydel go? Rose? I can’t remember.

I look around the party and take in my surroundings.

Smoke surrounds the room. People are packed from wall-to-wall.

University kids.

I don't know any of them. But Rose does- that's how we got in...I think.

I’ll only remember this night in brief flashes in the years to come.

I’m sitting on a couch.

When did I get here?

Kaydel got me a new drink...Rose was dancing with some redhead...He invited us over to meet his friends.

No that's.. that's not the right order...

I remember being on the couch but...but I’ve never been this drunk before.

That’s what I am? Drunk, right? Why do I feel weird? Am I okay?

I look down at my drink. My vision is so blurry that I can’t even focus on looking at what's in my cup. It can't be just alcohol.

But, Kaydel wouldn't put anything in here without telling me.

We're no stranger to drugs, but she would give me the heads up if she added anything...

His arm pulls me closer. The scent of leather, sandalwood, and campfire smoke fills my nose and suddenly I couldn’t care less about anything but him.

He smells amazing...who is he?

I look up and his Hazel eyes meet mine. My eyes widen.

_Fuck_. He's gorgeous.

I begin to count the freckles that pepper his pale skinned face when I hear a voice from one of his friends.

“I picked them out, so I think it’s only fair we all get a share” the redhead remarks.

Rose is in his arms, slumped over and her eyes are lidded.

Why is she sleeping in the middle of a party!? That’s weird.

I giggle, “Roseyyyyyy why are you sleepinnggggg?”

The man’s timber laugh fills my stomach with butterflies. He sends me a crooked toothed smirk while gazing down at my face. He’s so warm- I just want to stay against his chest forever. 

“No. This one’s mine. If you want to share with the others go for it.”

His tone is final but apparently his friend doesn’t get the message.

“Come on, Solo. Don’t be selfish. Besides,” The redhead scoots closer towards me and reaches to tuck a stray hair behind my ear.

“She’s so fucking swee-”

His hand isn’t even halfway to my face before the man next to be grabs his wrist so fast I barely registered it.

“If you even think about laying a hand on her, I’ll break your fucking neck, Hux.”

His snarl caused spit to fly from his mouth.

“Your choice.”

He shoved back the redhead’s hand, causing him to wince.

He turned back to me and tilted my chin up, almost lovingly.

“Isn’t that right, Kitten? You’re all mine. _Say it_.”

The way he says that I'm his sends a trickle of wetness pouring out of me.

Fuck.

I giggle again. Why is he so funny?

No, no, he’s not funny. I’m just drunk.

...Drunk?

“I don’t even know your name! But oh my god, I’m yourssssss.... you smell so good...and you’re so pretty...I wanna take a nap.”

I start to lay across his chest when he begins to lift both of us to stand. Are we going somewhere?

“Oh no you don’t, Kitten."

His eyes burn into mine as he tightens his grip on my hip.

"You don’t get to sleep until I’ve been inside of you.”

His hand slides over my hip bone and moves to the outside of my lace panties, which are already soaked.

I hope he doesn’t notice, that’s embarrassing.

His finger begins to run down my slit and he practically purrs in approval.

“Oh, baby, you’re already dripping for me, huh? I think it's time we head upstairs.”

Looking at his group of friends, he starts to give orders.

”Hux, Mitaka, take your girls to the far side of the house”

His hand snakes around my throat and squeezes.

”I don’t want to share her sounds with anyone else.”

A pudgy guy with brown hair that was lounging across the room picks up Kaydel and starts to head towards the stairs.

What?

When the fuck did Kaydel get here?

She was getting a refill of our drinks? No that was a while ago…

Why do I feel like this?

Before I’m able to say anything to voice my confusion, a pair of plump lips find mine.

What starts off in a chaste kiss turns deep as he pries open my mouth with his tongue.

I’ve never been kissed this way before and I think I like it...no, I love it.

As he breaks apart the kiss, i try to catch my breath.

I think whatever I took is catching up to me. I’m passing out.

All I remember are the mysterious eyes that I can’t name and being surrounded by the arms of steel keeping me in a tight embrace.

___________

Lights.

Red.

Blue.

Green.

Yellow...

I’m inside a rainbow.

I’m inside a rainbow, and he’s here.

His eyes pin me.

So do his hands.

Arms. Legs, Sweat. Panting.

I’m hurting.

“ _Fuck_ you feel amazing. Fucking perfect cunt- so wet for me.”

He’s moving so fast.

In and out.

With each thrust I whimper.

He’s devouring me.

I think I like it…

“You’re mine. No ones taking you away. Mine. Mine. _Mine_.”

I’ve never been wanted to badly.

I want him to want me. Need me.

I want to be needed.

The stain of my maidenhood smeared between my legs catches his eye.

Yet again, I find myself trapped in his fierce gaze.

I hold my breath. Is he mad?

He stares for what feels like an eternity.

“...waited for me” he whispers.

Then passion again at my hips.

I feel so full. I don’t want him to leave.

He feels like home.

His moans fill my ears.

Music.

I hear the music.

Big bass noises vibrate the room.

I can’t remember how I got here.

His pace is relentless.

Hard.

Fast.

Pain.

Pleasure.

I’m panting now.

Moaning noises in his ears as he buries his face in my neck.

Raven hair trickles down my face as his pace increases.

“I love you, Rey. You’re mine. You’re _mine_. _Fuck_ \- Daddy’s about to cum.”

Everything is him.

His breath.

His moans.

His cock.

Fuck.

He needs me.

I’m soaking.

Higher.

Higher.

Reaching the peak.

His pace continues.

  
Faster.

Faster.

My breath hitches as I begin to cum.

I've orgasmed before, but not like this.

Never like this.

“Fuck! I want you to cum, baby. Can you be- _fuck_ \- be a good girl and cum all over daddy’s cock.”

“D-Daddy?” my voice is hoarse but catches his attention.

“Oh, damn.” His chuckle fills the room.

“You awake babygirl?”

I open my eyes and see him shifting on top of me.

He’s looking at me in a way that makes my stomach tighten even more.

“ _Fuck_ \- I just felt you squeeze my cock.”

He continues thrusting, snapping his hips against mine.

"I really wanted you to stay awake for our first time. But- _holy shit_ , I couldn't wait. I had to be inside you baby."

His tongue licks his bottom lip.

I wanna trace the spit that’s glistening.

He's addicting.

I'm scared.

“Cum for me, Rey. I’m gonna fill you up so good babygirl. Fucking _cum_.”

Euphoria rushes over me like cold water and I start to feel something shooting up inside me.

Silence.

Bliss.

I’ve never been so at peace.

Sleep starts to take me, and before I completely go under I hear a warm rumble from behind me as arms reach around me and pull me close.

His breath is against my neck, and he kisses my shoulder.

“All mine. Forever. I promise.”

___________________

I hate reliving this over and over again.

Sure, therapy definitely has helped me deal with most of what I haven't black out of that night. 

For instance, I’m now able to leave the house without fear of being attacked.

Somewhat.

It’s been years since my sophomore year of high school.

Since he took me.

Even with years of ongoing counseling, even after blurring out most of the details of that horrible night, I can't forget those eyes.

A mixture of brown and black- lust and possession.

A hazel rabbit-hole of darkness.

Sometimes I see them in my dreams. Threatening to take me again.

To drag me to hell with him.

“Rey,”

Dr. Skywalker’s eyes meet mine.

He always pushes me to finish the story in its completion.

Insists that it will help me be able to cope with everything.

“What happened after you woke up?”

My voice is raspy from trying to hold my tears in.

One betrays me and rolls down my cheek and I try to quickly swipe it away before he can bring it up.

“Rose found me in the bed, drugged out of my mind, and brought me to the hospital- insisted that I submit a rape kit- along with hers, which I did after some convincing-”

“Why didn’t you want to submit one at first?” He looks up from taking notes to eye me.

I twiddle my thumbs under his stare.

“B-Because… I was scared that if I submitted one, then they found who it was, _he_ would get in trouble…I didn’t want him to find me after and be so mad that he hurt me.”

I swallow down the lump in my throat as I clarify my biggest fear.

“In the same or another way.”

“Did he allude towards having violent behavior during the assault?”

I scoff, “You don’t think that raping someone isn’t violent enough?”

What the fuck is his problem?

“Rey, that’s not what I-”

The watch on his wrist begins to beep rapidly.

Times up.

He closes his notebook and begins to stand.

“We will continue this next session. In the meantime, please take care of yourself.”

He pauses.

“Poe mentioned it’s been happening again.”

Poe. My fiancé.

I met him my senior year of high school.

He was a freshman at the local university- there on a football scholarship. We met through Rose, who insisted that it was time I finally tried dating.

She somehow was able to move on from the events of that night. They didn't haunt her anymore.

Poe was the first date that I had had since that night.

Things kicked off and before I knew it I'd been dating him for five years.

When he proposed it hadn't really come as a shock like it does in the movies. He kept talking about finally settling down. Even had me pick out my own engagement ring. Practice and planned.

That's how we've always been.

Safe.

I blink rapidly. When would he have mentioned it to Dr. Skywalker?

I was there the whole time they interacted, exchanging pleasantries before my appointment.

That means they must have some sort of communication outside of what I see…

I mean, I guess that’s okay?

Communicating on behalf of my health.

He just wants to help, after all.

I’m just now even registering what he said.

Happening again.

The night terrors aren’t fun for me either, but fuck. I’ve been trying to put this shit behind me for the past six years.

I'm just so fucking tired.

“I know…” I refuse to meet his gaze.

The night terrors only return during high periods of stress.

After the incident.

When I changed my name and moved across the country to start university.

When they lost the rape kits.

“Try to keep your stress levels low. Do something you can enjoy.”

His smile is warm and welcoming. He’s always given off a comforting vibe.

Even if going to see him for the past few years has barely helped with dealing with everything, at least he’s always provided a sense of calm.

He walks to me to the door of his office and into the lobby as he continues.

“Hey, Poe mentioned that you’re going to meet some of his old college friends. Use that as an opportunity to destress.”

Poe mentioned he had some friends coming into town for business.

Often times I find meeting new people to be draining.

Probably because I hardly have enough energy to get through the day when I have episodes.

Which leads to more stress.

Which leads to more episodes.

A never ending cycle.

“I’ll try to. Really, I will.” I give as much of a smile as I can muster.

“That’s all I ever ask, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello! this is my first fanfic ever!!
> 
> it has very heavy dark elements so pls read the tags.
> 
> no beta so enjoy the shit show :)
> 
> pls leave comments! they keep me going haha


	2. The Reunion

“You sure you still down for going out tonight?”

Poe’s eyeing himself in the mirror- fixing his stray baby hairs to slick down.

“You seem kinda bummed after therapy today.”

I’m adjusting the dress I picked out.

A thigh-high black v-necked sweater dress that clings to my soft curves. I paired it with a pair of nude heels. Don’t really feel like putting in a lot of effort into a formal look today.

And Poe’s blatant ignorance is starting to piss me off.

I snap around, facing his back. 

“Well you’d be a bit _bummed_ too if you had to recount a traumatic experience to your therapist every time you met.”

I’m still a little upset about him talking to Dr. Skywalker.

I turn back towards the body mirror, adjusting my cleavage and pulling on my sleeves. The dress does wonders for what little boobs I do have, but it seems off. Maybe this isn’t the look for tonight. A bit too casual? 

Frustrated about my outfit and his lack of awareness, I continue to rant.

“I swear, there’s absolutely no way that going over it again and again is going to change anything about my so called _thinking_ _patterns_ \- if anything they’re getting more fucked up.”

He sighs and shuffles across the room. His arms reach around my waist and pull me against his chest. I try and sync our breathing once I feel his words mumbled on my neck.

“I know baby, but Dr. Skywalker is a good therapist. Best in the city. I’m sure he didn’t get that title if he didn’t know what he’s doing.”

Resigning to what I know is the truth, my shoulders slump and I turn around to face him. I look up to his face and am met with a welcoming smile. Just like Dr. Skywalker, his eyes have always made me feel calm. But more in a homey-type comfort rather than Dr. Skywalker’s practiced tranquil demeanor.

“You look beautiful, Rey.”

My cheeks turn crimson. Being with someone as long as I’ve been with Poe, sometimes you forget to do the little things, or, so I’ve some to understand.

Giving compliments, going on dates- everything that you did to attract your partner- it vanishes once you have them.

Even the sex gets to the point of being bland. 

And sometimes rare.

It’s normal.

“Hopefully tonight will take your mind off things. I’ve been wanting you to meet these guys for a while. They were all in the brotherhood with me, too.”

Poe’s old fraternity, a group known as the First Order. 

Poe actually ended up dropping out- claimed that the guys were actually horrible people. But, when asked to elaborate, he just said that some things are better left unsaid. 

Knowing this- I don’t know why he would still associate with some of the old members if they really were as awful as he said they were.

Its things like this makes me feel even more distant from him. Like I don’t really know him at all.

“They also brought their girlfriends and fiancé’s with them too, so if you don't feel comfortable enough to talk to the guys you’ll still have company.”

I think he means that to be a source of comfort- instead I get the feeling like he’s just gonna pawn me off.

Poe often gets caught up talking with others rather than me whenever we go out with friends. Even when it’s just us- we kinda fall into a silence. 

It used to be comfortable but now it just feels empty.

Which, I get, ya know? Because we see each other all the time- run out of things to talk about... 

So, I guess having other people there will be nice to continue the conversation.

Still, it would be nice to be included in conversations. 

I turn around and look up at him, and he gives me a chaste kiss.

Sighing, I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head against his chest. 

“Yeah, that’ll be nice.”

I try and listen to his heartbeat to ground myself from the anxiety I feel building in my chest.

Poe begins unraveling himself from our embrace a bit too abruptly for my liking and walks to the other side of the room to continue getting ready. 

It’s okay though- I don’t really wanna come off as clingy...

Ugh.

Fuck this.

Every time I go to therapy I always feel so fucking vulnerable by the time my session ends. So sensitive. Usually my demeanor isn’t like this. I’m hardly ever insecure about things.

About us.

I hate feeling like this. 

Hopefully dinner will provide me the chance to recharge- get back to feeling like myself again.

I turn back to the mirror to look over my appearance one last time.

I do look beautiful.

Dr. Skywalker used to always emphasize how feelings were temporary and not to focus too harshly on them while in the moment.

Tonight, let’s hope I put that into practice.

____________________________________

Maz’s Cantina is the fanciest restaurant in town. 

I asked Poe if we could celebrate our anniversary here a couple of times through the years. 

He always said it was too expensive, and we ended up celebrating with beer and Netflix at home. 

He must really wanna impress these guys tonight.

Poe pulls up to the front entrance so our car can be valeted.

Oh, yeah, he definitely wants to impress them.

Not sure how valeting a 2015 Toyota Camry is going to scream “money” but, okay.

The low hanging lanterns that frame the entrance set a relaxing atmosphere, and as we make our way inside, the jazz music flowing throughout the restaurant plays. 

We approach the room that Poe reserved for the party. Maz’s is so big that it has several private rooms available to rent out.

Poe got the biggest one.

We’re the first ones here, of course. He wants to ensure everything goes perfectly for when the guests arrive.

I don’t understand why he wants to impress these guys so badly. They were in the same frat together? Can't they just get beers and call it a night?

The room is overwhelmingly big for being in a restaurant. The walls are a deep scarlet and there’s a long rectangular table in the middle of the room. The low lighting gives off a high-society vibe, and I feel completely out of place.

As I take everything in, Poe begins talking with the waitress to ensure the most expensive bottle of wine is brought to our table. 

Ignoring his painfully obvious and repetitive attempt at yet another power move, I scan the rest of the cantina.

A multitude of couples sit close at tables outside of the room, exchanging heavy looks over their expensive dishes. 

I can’t help but feel jealous.

I want that so badly.

Not the high-life.

Just a connection. 

We used to have it, Poe and I. I just don’t know where the spark has gone. 

Between working a majority of the weekdays and volunteering at The Resistance, the youth center downtown, Poe hardly has time to spend with me anymore.

It feels wrong to be jealous of the time he spends with others, especially when they need him.

But I need him too.

As I continue to scan the cantina’s patrons my eyes make their way back to the front entrance and stop.

My breath hitches as I lock onto a pair of eyes.

Hazel.

Eyes that send a chill to my very core.

Why, I’m unsure.

He feels familiar.

He stands by the hostess desk, towering over it. His suit is a dark black and has been tailored to emphasize his wide frame. 

I slightly shake my head, trying to refocus my mind- to place this sense of familiarity.

He seems to be taking me in the same way, because his eyes haven’t left mine.

A gorgeous brunette to his right tries shaking him out of his reverie and follows his eyes to me. She breaks out in a smile and pulls him to follow her as she approaches our table. He follows behind, eyes not leaving where I sit.

The girl approaches, and her voice chirps up towards Poe.

“There you guys are! Seriously, the hostess had no idea who we were talking about. You put the reservation under Dameron right?”

Wait, what?

These are Poe’s friends?

I look over to Poe and see him being to walk away from the waitress, who quickly makes herself scarce. 

“No, I put it under the First Order.”

Poe chuckles, something I haven’t heard in a while.

“Seriously, your fiancé should’ve told you that.”

“Yeah, well he seemed a little distracted...”

Her eyes drift over to me and I avoid her gaze. Not my fault her fiancé wasn’t paying attention. Probably just taking in the room.

As said man approaches, I take in the rest of his appearance. 

I feel like I’m dreaming. 

Freckles sprinkle across his pale skin. His nose reminds me of roman sculptures- large and aquiline, but beautiful. His raven hair flows down to just above his shoulders, and his goatee gives him a look of seriousness I never thought was even attainable.

And he’s still staring.

I quickly wipe off my hands on my dress to avoid showing my obvious nervousness- ridding of the sweat I know is there- before I offer out my hand to the brunette.

“H-Hey, I’m Rey.” 

“Bazine! I’m Kylo’s _fiancé_.” Her smile seems disingenuous.

She shakes my hand with a no-bullshit type of assertiveness.

Probably just in my head.

Taking my hand back, I turn to Kylo. I reach out to shake his hand. This seems to snap him out of whatever daydream he was having, because he slowly extends his to meet mine.

I look down where our hands meet. His hands are huge- swallowing mine.

“Kylo Ren.”

His voice is so deep it sends shivers down my spine. I inhale quickly and straighten my posture to avoid him seeing my reaction, sending a friendly smile his way.

As I begin to pull my hand away, he grips it slightly and brings it to his lips to give it a soft kiss- all while refusing to break eye contact.

Another shiver. 

He sends me a panty-melting half-smile.

He definitely saw that one.

”Nice to meet you...” I whisper.

His eyes feel familiar and intense.

I quickly turn away, as if it burns me.

Blushing, I remove my hand from his grasp and Poe seems to not notice the intense moment that occurred, as his focus is on Bazine.

He offers his hand, “Poe Dameron, congratulations on your engagement! I saw the photos on Facebook- Hawaii? Ren is more romantic than I thought.”

We all begin to sit at the table and I’m trying not to stare, but it's really hard.

Almost painful.

Kylo sits across from me. Bazine to his left, leaning into him as she giggles. God, even her laugh is gorgeous.

“Yeah, Kylo planned the whole thing.” His jaw tenses as she gives him a lingering kiss on his cheek “He’s such a romantic”.

I quickly avert my eyes- I feel like I’m viewing what should be a very private moment.

Shifting uncomfortably in my chair, my eyes trail down the table in order to avoid looking at either of them as I grimace. 

Another wave of jealous runs through me and I’m unsure why.

Probably because Kylo seems so invested to Bazine- enough to at least propose in a romantic way. Go to the effort to plan something like that.

Poe asked me to marry him after he came back from one of his work trips. No rhyme or reason. No effort. Just asked me in the living room while we were watching Top Chef. 

Didn’t get down on one knee. Didn’t profess his love.

But, I figured we’d been together so long that all of that stuff was implied.

Only now I’m starting to realize how dismissive I was about the lack of effort put in.

I was just happy someone would want to spend their lives with me.

No one has ever stayed that long.

“Rey and I just got engaged this past July.”

Actually it was June.

“I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend! You never post any pictures!” Bazine’s tone seems to be breathless, as if she couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to be shown off on social media if they’re in a relationship.

I mean I get it. If I had a girlfriend that looked like Bazine I would want to show her off.

“Yeah, Rey just doesn’t like social media, so she doesn’t have any accounts. I never post pictures of her out of respect for her privacy.”

That’s not true either. 

Ever since I changed my name, I try to avoid social media all together.

I don’t wanna run the risk of someone finding me.

Of _him_ finding me.

But, I’m sure he knows this. He’s probably just lying to avoid any awkwardness.

“Your relationship status says single.” Kylo’s voice breaks me out of my mental monologue.

He’s holding up his phone to show.

Yep.

Poe’s Facebook profile.

Relationship Status: Single.

I send him a confused look, but try and play it off as being casual and nonchalant.

“O-Oh, yeah, well that’s just because it wouldn’t show a profile for her, so I just never changed it.”

He tried to laugh it off. Quickly changing the subject to the wine he picked out for the night.

I may not be on social media but I definitely know that you can change your relationship status to “in a relationship” - even if that person isn’t on Facebook. It just won’t have who they’re in a relationship with displayed.

Kylo seems to take notice of the situation’s fucked-up-ness, as he’s the only one who reacts to Poe’s response- raising his eyebrows and returning to his phone.

The conversation carries on around me but I’m completely checked out, staring at the empty plate in front of me- reflecting on all of this.

Poe seems to be very interested in whatever Bazine is talking about- her newest modeling gig or something. 

Eventually the rest of Poe’s friends arrive.

Now and then I steal glances towards Kylo, and he seems to be doing the same. Between his phone and I, he doesn’t seem to be that engaged in the conversation around him either. 

Every time our eyes meet he sends me a smirk that makes my core tighten.

He’s just being friendly.

Empathetic. Trying to make me feel comfortable after whatever the fuck that was.

I take in the scene happening around me.

Seems Poe was right that the men would just talk to one another. But it also seems as though the women have taken up their own conversations. I listen from the sideline as they talk about upcoming vacations and gossip from their workplace. 

I don’t really have anything to add, so I just keep quiet and try to avoid looking across the table. Pretending to listen to the ongoing babble of bullshit.

Poe’s voice eventually catches my attention.

“Shame that Hux couldn’t make it,”

Poe’s on his third glass of wine and it’s starting to show. 

“He always did bring the fun.”

Hux?

Hux is a name that’s known for being a part of a long family lineage. Kind of like the Kennedy’s- whereas instead of being related to a president, the Hux’s have a military background- most of them being well renowned generals of this or that.

There was a Hux the night of the incident. He’s one of the names I’ve been able to remember.

But, the chances of this guy being _the_ Hux are slim to none. 

Could just be related. Hux could even be his first name…

But also, why wouldn’t Poe mention he knew a Hux?

Kylo huffs and rolls his eyes. As he finishes typing on his phone, he sighs and puts it in his front suit pocket. 

“He just messaged me. Something came up,” his eyes dart to me and then back to Poe- too subtle for anyone to really notice, but it puts me on edge. 

“He’s having over an old friend for dinner. Said we can reschedule for another day.”

“Reschedule? But you guys are only here for a week right? At least, that’s how long he said the conference was.” 

“Actually, I just got offered the chance to take over my uncle’s practice in the city.” 

Kylo’s lips curl into a smile and his crooked teeth are on full display. His laugh lines catch my attention and it feels as though he’s talking directly to me.

“It looks like you’ll be seeing a lot more of me.”

My stomach tightens.

“What does your uncle do?”

I barely recognize my own voice. Seeing as though I haven’t talked the entire dinner, my voice also seems to surprise those around me.

He smirks and leans back in his chair as he lifts his wine glass to his lips- his large fingers curl around the stem.

“He’s a therapist. Very well-known for his work in cognitive behavioral therapy.”

No, it can’t be.

“Dr Skywalker?”

He chuckles, “You’re familiar with him?”

His eyes dance across the table cloth in front of him, his hand returning to play with the material between his fingers. “Clearly his work has continued to be a success if he’s relevant around the area.”

Dr. Skywalker is the only therapist worth anything in the city. But, I don’t think want to tell him how I know his uncle.

For more than his reputation.

And that somehow, I’ve been going to him for three years and have yet to make progress in dealing with my trauma. 

No. That’s a conversation you have with someone that you’ve known longer than a dinner.

But even with that, some part of me want to tell him everything. As i wrestle with what to say, the decision is quickly made for me.

“Actually, Rey goes to see him! He really is amazing!”

Fucking. Poe.

“Is that right?”

Kylo looks surprised to hear this and leans forward, elbows perching on the table to allow him to listen more intently. His eyes snap from Poe’s to mine and I gulp.

I eye Bazine to see if she’s listening. She seems like the type of person to talk shit about people once she finds out private things about them, but luckily she’s carrying on a conversation with one of the other women about Kylo’s recent promotion at work- detailing how “she’s _so_ fortunate to be with such a successful doctor”.

I sigh, eyes returning to his piercing gaze.

“Yeah. I dealt with some stuff awhile back…”

I pause, looking down as I admit details.

“Been going to him for the past three years.”

I decide I want to leave it at that but apparently that’s not good enough for Poe.

“Yeah, he’s really helped her with her trauma from back in high school. She loves his sessions- really great at what he does.”

First of all, what?

I’m pretty sure I’ve made it painfully clear that I haven’t felt as though I've made _any_ progress in my sessions to Poe. We _literally_ just talked about it.

He knows this? 

Or does he just not really pay attention to what I say?

Also, why is he talking for me?

I try to hide my annoyance on my face as clearly as possible, but I think my mask falters for a second. I quickly resumed a pleasant smile, hoping no one saw.

I don’t wanna start anything while he’s drunk. 

Or while there’s people around.

“That’s great to hear. Hopefully you’ll make as much progress with our future sessions- given that you’ll want to continue therapy after my taking over.” He pauses and the muscle under his right eye twitching slightly.

His gaze is sharp and I try to avoid it as I mumble something to the effect of “oh yeah, sure”.

I just want him to stop staring. 

I’m too emotional and it’s too much.

The dinner passes without much else happening. Poe somehow manages not to piss me off more than I already am. 

Good for him. He’s gonna have to deal with an earful when he sobers up.

Tonight did not go the way I was expecting.

As the night ends we find ourselves saying goodnight to all of Poe’s friends outside of the cantina.

I start to head to the valet desk when I’m approached by Bazine. She grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug.

“So happy that I’ll finally have a friend here for the move! I have a feeling we’re going to be superrrrr close!”

Not sure where she got that impression- given she said all of two sentences to me at dinner, but I'm polite, and she’s drunk, so I just agree.

She walks off, yelling behind her to message her on instagram sometime.

Sure.

Not that Poe didn’t already mention I don’t have social media.

But for sure.

God, no one fucking listens…

I’m left alone on the sidewalk, the cold night air swirling around my hair, causing me to pull my dress sleeves down over my hands.

Pulling out my phone, I send a quick message to Rose. 

Usually we text each other throughout the day, but I haven’t heard from her since this morning when she told me she was going out for coffee with her boyfriend, Finn. I text her and ask how her day was, hoping I can call later and bitch about all of this shit.

I put my phone away and I look around to find Poe.

Hopefully he already got the keys.

I just wanna go home.

Instead, I’m met with a large form approaching me from the side. 

Kylo.

Before he begins talking he shifts his jaw around, as if trying to release some of the tension he’s clearly harboring.

Is he mad?

That thought disappears when he smirks and reaches out for my hand.

“Mrs. Niima, it’s been a pleasure to meet you. Hopefully I will be seeing you in future sessions. Also, I will be mentioning to my uncle of my knowing you, so that it can be documented accordingly if you so choose to continue sessions.”

I raise my eyebrows slightly. How did he figure out my last name? I put my hand out nonetheless.

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest? I don’t think I’m allowed to be friends with my thera-“

Immediately as my hand enters his, he pulls, and I practically fall into his chest, cutting off what I was saying. He holds me in a crushing embrace. As my brain tries to make sense of what just happened, I feel his breath on the outside of my ear as he whispers,

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Wetness pools out of me as I quickly pull away and look at his face. He’s smirking and biting down on his bottom lip and begins to chuckle.

He’s joking.

Right?

I blink rapidly and back away from him, trying to gain distance. I quickly looked around to see if anyone bared witness to our moment of closeness, only to see Poe approaching from the direction of the valet- keys in hand.

Thank god.

“Kylo! It was so great to see you tonight. Congrats again on your engagement- Bazine is amazing, you really found yourself a keeper.”

Poe’s hand wraps around my waist and grips my hip, squeezing lightly. A playful gesture. One that usually I would find endearing- but given the exchange that just happened between Kylo and I, it feels too vulnerable. 

Also, I’m pissed at him.

So I try and shrug out of his embrace.

Kylo’s eyes are glued to the movement. His eyes find their way to Poe’s and through gritted teeth and seems like a forced smile, Kylo replies,

“So did you.”

His eyes flash to me and suddenly I’m frozen.

There.

That look.

That darkness.

I’ve seen it before. 

Only in nightmares now.

He seems to notice my change in demeanor and his lips curl up into a smile.

“Have a good night, Mrs. Niima.”

And just like that he’s gone, and I’m left wondering why I’m scared to death of someone I just met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y’all so much for the love on the last chapter!
> 
> I’m planning on going back and editing some grammatical things eventually but I was really excited to publish the second chapter!
> 
> Again, this wasn’t beta’d so it is what it is lmao.
> 
> Please let me know if you’re enjoying it so far in the comments!!


	3. Starting Session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mind the tags, peeps.

Walking around downtown usually clears my head.

I’m hoping I can achieve the same clarity I usually get- but my mind remains full of intruding thoughts. After Poe sobered up the day after the party I confronted him about everything that happened at dinner. The social media issue, the lying on my behalf, and then the obvious over-sharing of my private life. In the end, after calling him out on everything he still found a way to downplay everything and gaslight me.

“Are we really turning into a couple that cares about what's posted on social media?”

“I just assumed you didn’t want to tell them the truth about your trauma and shit.”

“You know how I get when I’m drunk- you can’t blame me.”

“Maybe if you didn’t turn the conversation around to Dr.Skywalker in the first place I wouldn’t have said that shit.”

Different excuses but somehow not different from the usual defenses he gives me when this happens. It’s always been little things before though- a small remark here, a secret overshared there. Never to the magnitude that happened at the dinner though.

I ended up just walking away before I actually lost my shit.

It’s been almost a week since.

Now I find myself trying to find some type of relief before my therapy appointment.

My mind finds its way to the man whos been occupying my thoughts more than I care to admit.

Kylo.

According to what he said at the dinner he only just accepted the position just recently- so hopefully I will be able to talk to Dr. Skywalker today.

After our last interaction, I may move to another therapist.

Shit- why not just quit therapy all together then?

If my current sessions are being held by the ‘best of the best’ and I still haven't resolved anything- I guess that isn’t such a bad decision.

I decide to walk into the Starbucks that is right down the street from Dr. Skywalker’s office.

Maybe some tea or something will calm my nerves- I don’t know.

As I push the door open the bells attached to the door handle signal my arrival. I inhale deeply as I take into account the lack of people sitting around the tables that are scattered across the room.

Making my way towards the line I pull out my phone to look at my notifications.

Still no text from Rose.

But there is one from Poe.

**Poe**  
_______________________

 **Today** 10:27 AM

|Hey- going out with some of the guys from work. I'll be home late.

Cool.

Because he knows how I love to be alone after I have my sessions.

Very considerate.

I roll my eyes and send a thumbs up reaction to his message and swipe back to my conversation with Rose.

**Roseeeeee**  
_______________________

 **Saturday** 11:03 PM 

omggg you will not believe the night i had| 

this shit is a fucking joke dude| 

**Sunday** 9:16 PM 

you cannot GHOST ME when i'm having a literal breakdown| 

**Monday** 11:49 PM 

ok, i was kidding but pls call me soon xx| 

**Yesterday** 1:31 PM 

rosey??| 

**Today** 8:27 AM

please let me know you're okay, i'm starting to worry.| 

Radio silence.

She’s never late to respond to me. Not like this.

Maybe she’s just busy.

I can’t allow my mind to begin to spiral into what different type of situations she mig-

“Next in line!”

I put my phone in my pocket and saunter up to the front counter.

“I’ll have a grande green tea please.”

I go to pull out my card when I feel someone approach me from behind.

“Add a black coffee to that as well.”

I freeze.

His signature cologne floods my nostrils and I close my eyes as I inhale. Woodsy and warm. It’s the same one he wore the night of the dinner. An arm reaches over me and hands a black card to the barista, who is blushing at his attention. Slowly I turn and face him.

“Kylo.”

“Rey.”

His smirk is enough to send my stomach flipping. I quickly move to the side of the bar to wait for my drink.

I try and avoid his gaze. Every time I recall the last moments I spent with Kylo after dinner I'm filled with confusion and lust. His eyes were the last thing I saw. They have the same eyes. They scared me shitless and I could hardly sleep that night.

No point in talking to Poe about what I saw. He disregards everything I say. 

But I saw what I saw.

I put my feelings to the side for right now.

He's being nice. 

Not his fault he has the eyes of a monster.

“You really didn’t have to do that.”

“I know.”

He grabs his card back from the barista and sends her a wink and a quiet “thanks”. He walks over to stand by me and I remember how tall this man actually is. I crane my neck to look at his face.

“Well, t-thanks.”

_What the fuck-_

I tuck my hair behind my ear and try to think of something to talk about. 

He seems to find a topic easily enough. 

“So, what are you doing on this side of the city? Don’t you and Poe live on the eastside?”

His question throws me off a bit. 

Does he know where we live? 

He seems to register the brief confusion I let slip onto my face and quickly corrects himself.

“Poe invited us over for dinner sometime soon and I remember your address being in that area. Not a stalker or anything, haha.”

Well, that's comforting. The warm rumble of his chuckle sets me at ease.

“Oh yeah, um, I have a session with your uncle, actually. At eleven.”

I nudge my head in the direction of the front counter. 

“Just figured I’d stop and get something to calm nerves.”

“Calm your nerves? Why would you be nervous going to therapy? You’ve been going there for a while...three years, right?”

Wow, he remembered…

My heart seems to react faster than my words can come out because I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. A beat or two passes as I try and ground myself.

He actually remembered something that I said.

Like it was something important for him to know.  
  


Like he cares.

“Um, y-yeah. Yeah, I have but I’ve, um, kind of been a bit worried about a few things lately.”

A frown forms on his face. He looks like he’s genuinely bothered by the fact that I’m worried.

Our drinks are called out and we both move to grab them. As I prepare to say goodbye he begins to speak.

“I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m headed to my uncle’s office now. I would love to walk with you and maybe you can unload some of your worries onto me.” 

His eyes are full of something that I’m too scared to name. 

  
“Being a good listener comes with my job title, at least I’d like to think so. That is if you wouldn’t mind the company...”

I bite my lip unconsciously but catch myself in the act. Kylo seems to notice too and is staring at my lips.

I mean, I’m going there anyway, right? 

And I guess it’ll give me an opportunity to see if we vibe enough to continue sessions once he takes over at the office…

“Yeah, that actually sounds really nice.”

I send a smile his way and he breaks out into a grin that makes my knees buckle. 

_Get it together._

We walk outside and head towards the office. 

The skyscrapers hug the streets as people make their way to their destinations. As we walk, Kylo seems to be keeping close proximity to me to listen if I decide to start talking. It also gives off a protectiveness that rather than making me feel smothered makes me feel comforted. 

Safe.

I hardly ever experience the feeling.

The commotion of the city drowns out around me as I decide to talk.

“I’ve been worried about a friend of mine recently… I’ve been texting her and she just hasn’t responded back. Which, normally, you know, I wouldn’t be worried about. But, I don't know… She’s never done this before.”

I meet Kylo’s gaze and he stares back with soft eyes.

“Maybe she lost her phone or something-or maybe it’s dead. Have you tried stopping by her place to check on her?”

“Oh, well no. Rose typically doesn’t like it when people just show up unannounced. Kinda a private person...”

A beat of silence falls between us. His under-eye twitches as he clarifies.

“Rose?”

“Um, yeah. Rose Tico. We’ve been friends since high school…”

A hardness falls over his face but is quickly replaced with indifference. 

“Oh, well maybe that’s not such a good idea then,”

I look up and we’ve reached the office. He holds the door open for me, guiding me inside by laying his hand at the bottom of my back, and we walk into the lobby together.

“If you’d excuse me, Rey. I have to make a quick phone call- should only take a minute.”

His hand leaves my back as he walks to the far corner of the lobby and I catch myself missing his embrace.

I approach the receptionist but she seems to be focused on the man who's towering in the corner, whispering into his phone. 

_Same, sis._

“Um, hi. I have an appointment with Dr. Skywalker at 11.”

She looks over at me, sending an annoyed scowl my way, and begins typing on her computer. 

“...Should be under Rey Niima.”

You’d think after so long of coming here I wouldn’t have to tell her my name.

She begins typing my info in the system when her face scrunches up.

“It looks as though your appointment with Dr. Skywalker has been canceled.”

“What?” She glares at me, raising an eyebrow at my tone. “Um… okay is there a reason I never received a notification of this?”

“Let me look at the notes in your file… Oh.”

Her eyes quickly search across the screen and she looks up at me and smiles.

“It looks like Dr. Skywalker rescheduled you with Dr. Ren. Apparently, he will be taking over for all your future appointments as well.”

_What?_

How does that make any sense- I never even agreed to the change…

I look around to make sure Kylo’s still in the corner and lean in to whisper to the receptionist.

“Is Dr. Skywalker available? I have some questions about this… I never even agreed t-”

I feel him behind me before he even speaks up.

“Hey Rachel, how are you doing this morning?” he purrs. 

Her blush is almost instant and she responds by giggling and pushing her chest out- an obvious attempt at exposing her cleavage in her low cut shirt.

“Good morning Dr. Ren, I’m doing well. I was just explaining to Ms. Niima how you’re now scheduled for her session this morning, as well as all future appointments.”

His eyebrows raise as he looks at me and back at Rachel.

“Oh, well. Is my uncle aware of this?”

“Yes, sir. He made the changes himself. Would you like me to call him to verify?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m sure he has a reason...is he in yet?”

“No, sir. He hasn’t been in all morning.”

Kylo seems briefly taken aback by this news but quickly moves on.

“Hmm.. well, please let me know if you hear anything from him.”

“Of course sir.”

  
He begins to turn to leave when he catches himself and turns back around.

“Oh, and Rachel…”

“Yes, sir?”

Kylo glances at her neck and leans in closely, invading Rachel’s personal space.

  
I barely hear it the whisper that falls from his lips.

“You look absolutely stunning today.”

Rachel’s face of shock matches my own.

Well.

Didn’t know Bazine was okay with him flirting with other women...maybe she doesn’t know?

I feel a wave of jealousy that I can’t quite place.

_Why the fuck?_

He pulls back from Rachel and turns to me. If he notices my internal struggle, he doesn’t show it.

“Shall we?” his arm moves in the direction of his office and I follow. 

I’m not sure if this is a good idea or not.

* * *

He closes the office door behind me. 

His office is much different than Dr. Skywalkers. 

The back wall has been replaced by floor to ceiling windows that overlook the city. 

The decor in the office is very modern and monochromatic. 

A big fan of the color black, I see.

The accent wall, the bookshelves that frame the sides of the room...

His desk is the only thing that’s not. 

A large glass top desk with an office chair sitting behind it. 

In front of his desk lies a black felt sofa. Not one of the ones typically found in a therapist's office. This one looks like it belongs in the middle of an upscale living room.

I move to sit down on it and remove my jacket. Glancing at Kylo I notice that he’s moved to sit behind his desk and is settling into his chair. I take one last glance around the room. Bigger than Dr. Skywalkers. I guess that’s good, but I somehow feel really small in comparison.

My eyes make their way back to Kylo and lock into his stare. A smirk forms on his mouth.

“Well, I certainly didn’t expect our first session to begin today. You do want to continue today's session, yes?”

I pause. I’m not sure if I should actually go through with this...

. If I just get up and leave I might as well say goodbye to therapy forever since there’s no one worth anything within the area and the fact that my insurance won't cover another consultation from another therapist.

With this in mind, I reply with a grimace, “I don’t have too much of a choice, do I?”

“That’s the spirit!” he chuckles, “In all seriousness Rey, if for some reason you need to cancel our sessions and meet with another provider I can try and help you find someone else within the area.”

That seems really nice. I mean, most therapists would just send you on your way with a “good luck” but lowkey be pissed about losing a client. It seems like he actually cares.

“N-No, I’m good to continue sessions with you. It’s just...I mean, I am concerned about how we have a conflict of interests. With you being Poe’s friend.” I pause and stare down and my feet while I think about how my past sessions with Dr. Skywalker has been. “In all transparency, I will be talking about us a lot if my past sessions are anything to go by...I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything.”

I look back up and he’s wearing a crooked smirk, “Well, _in all transparency_ Rey, although, yes, at one time I did consider Poe a friend, it’s been years since we last reconnected. That dinner was the first time that I’ve heard from Poe since college and based on the interactions we had at the dinner, it will probably be a while before I will have another. Especially if you decide to continue with your therapy here. I believe it in the best interest of everyone if I focus on being a support system for you more than a friend for him.”

I’ve never really had anyone take my well being into consideration. I mean. Not someone who I wasn’t actively fucking.

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be putting you and him in a bad place?”

“Rey, I promise you. And I _never_ break a promise.”

His eyes pierce into mine and I know he means it. 

“Well, okay. If that’s the case, then I don’t see why we can’t meet.”

He breaks into a full smile, dimples on full display and I melt. _Fuck._

Being attracted to your therapist shouldn’t cause any issues in sessions, right?

… it happens all the time. It’s called transference I think? I dunno.

Honestly don’t really care. I’ll just consider it a bonus. Plus it seems like he also thinks that Poe can be a piece of shit sometimes, so, that will definitely be a change of pace from Dr. Skywalker. He practically put him on a pedestal for doing the most mundane shit.

Kylo grabs a manila folder on his desk and flips it open. Huh, he already has my file. Probably just getting acquainted with all the clients since he’s taking over soon.

“It says in your file that you initially started coming to see Luke due to night terrors?”

I gulp. Oh, okay. Yeah, I can talk about this. I mean, I understand that's what we’re here for but…

“Um, yes. I’ve had them ever since an incident that occurred in high school.”

“The sexual assault?”

“Yes,” my hands are beginning to tremble. “I went to a college party my junior year of high school and I was sexually assaulted while I was there…”

“And now you have night terrors due to the attack. Why do you think that is?”

I look at my folder. Shouldn’t there already be a description of what happened in there? I already answered these questions with Dr. Skywalker.

“I haven’t discovered any particular triggers… In the last session, I had with your uncle he had me recount the assault. “ I sigh, “He has me do that until I can vividly recall more and more details of the assault. I’m not sure why.”

He rests his fingers on his lips and begins to rub them back and forth, contemplating what I’m saying. I stare at his lips a little longer than I should. Suddenly he gets up and walks his way around his desk and takes the seat next to me on the couch as he begins to talk.

“I have notes in your file, however, it seems to be fairly lacking in specifics. I think it would be beneficial for you to recount the attack so that I have a starting point as to what you remember from that night.”

So I tell him. I tell him about the drugs, the party, his friends, my friends…

When I get to the actual attack I pause. I always hate this part.

  
Usually, when someone recounts the loss of their virginity, they tell an embarrassing story about an inexperienced boyfriend or a clumsy hookup...it’s not fair that I have to tell a story about being drugged and forced. In a way telling him makes me feel gross. Especially since I find him attractive. Like he wouldn't want to be with someone like me.

But I'm with Poe so it doesn't matter. 

It feels like Kylo can sense my feelings. A large hand moves on top of mine, which is trying to hold each other for comfort in my lap.

“It’s okay. I’m here.”

He looks into my eyes, and I finally look back.

The same that haunt my dreams. The same that stared into my soul the night we met. 

It’s overwhelming, and I let out a sob.

“You have his eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what y'all are thinking in the comments!!!!! <3


	4. Blackout

“Rose no one wants to go to a fucking college party, Rey already decided on a movie night.” Kaydel starts to protest in the kitchen as she prepares herself a drink.

“Yeah, I already rented out Scream 4 for tonight! We were gonna get drunk and see how many lines we can quote.”

Kaydel cackles, “See! That is how I want to be spending my Saturday night. Not at a fucking frat house full of misogynistic dudes who smell like racism and stale beer.”

I unwrap one of my Reese’s thins I bought for tonight and tossed it into my mouth murmuring my agreement.

“Guys, _please_! I’ve been talking to this guy for so long and I really like him. He invited us to the party and I already told him we would go.” Rose’s voice only makes her desperateness more apparent.

“Well fucking un-tell him! It’s Halloween- I’m not spending it with a frat guy grinding against my ass all fucking-” Kaydel began moving her hips in a leud fashion mimicking the act. 

I laugh as Rose comes closer to me, finding Kaydel pointless to argue with. “Rey, please. Please, look, let’s just go to the party and once it's over, we can come right back home and watch the movie, I promise. Just come out this one time.”

She shifts closer, feigning puppy dog eyes and a pout on her lips, “Pwease Rey-Rey. For me?”

Rose has never been this desperate over any of the guys she’s talked to. Whenever she told Kaydel and I that she was talking to a college guy we weren't for it at all. But after them texting for weeks, and seeing how happy Rose was because of it, I really just wanted to support her. After her sister’s death last year things have been hard for her. This Hux guy seemed to be a good thing...for now at least. 

I sigh and look over to Kaydel who is mouthing “NO!” and waving her hands frantically. My eyes made their way back to Rose’s. 

I sighed, “Fuck, _FINE._ ” Rose jumps up and down squealing while Kaydel groans loudly in the background.

“But we’re leaving after like an hour. I actually rented this fucking movie and I want to watch it.”

“Oh my god, of course! Thank you!” Rose's excitement has always been contagious, and I cant help but smile at her happiness.

“We don’t even have fucking costumes! Also what are we going to tell our parents?” Kaydel chimes in from behind the counter.

“I mean, they already know we’re staying at my place, plus you know Unkar does give a fuck where I am or what I’m doing. Just text your parents you’re going trick or treating if it's that big of a deal.” It's true. Unkar might be my foster father but he doesn't see me as anything more than a monthly state-issued check.

“And as for costumes,” Rose walked over to her duffle bag and zipped it open, revealing a v-cut white bodysuit. “I was really hoping you guys said yes…”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Arriving at the party I snuggled next to Rose, the loud music shaking the walls and weed smoke gave the party a hazy feel. That combined with the flashing lights, the whole scene looked straight out of a bad 80’s movie. We began weaving ourselves through the crowd until we made it to the kitchen. 

We ended up dressing in basic costumes- but considering no one (except Rose) planned on coming out, we didn’t care. Rose wore a cheetah bodysuit with ears to match. Kaydel dressed in a black bodysuit with bunny ears- very much fitting into her playboy-esque sexuality she always gives off. I ended up with a white bodysuit and a halo, and with a pair of angel wings attached at my back, I leaned against the counter, watching Kaydel search for booze.

“Gross, all they have is lite beer!” Kaydel scoffs, throwing the beer back into the cooler after examining it. It’s fine though. I didn’t come here to get drunk. Just supporting Rose with this Hux dude and making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. 

“Hux says he’s here!” Rose squeels, pocketing her phone and adjusting her outfit and hair. She always gets so nervous about meeting new guys. Dunno why though, she's gorgeous. 

A lanky-looking ginger approaches the kitchen, his eyes searching over both Kaydel and me until he locks eyes with Rose. He has to be at least 23.

Does he know that Rose is 16? Shit, The closest to being 18 is Kaydel. I'm 17, but I just had a birthday a few months back... I'm pretty sure that if Hux and Rose gets together it's illegal. I dunno know though, I've never had to learn about that stuff.

“Rose, right?” He arches an eyebrow. He seems like he’s trying too hard to be casual. He’s dressed as a tourist. Hawaiian shirt and a camera around his neck, matched with cargo shorts. The whole outfit seems very off-putting for some reason. Like this is his first time out in public meeting people, but obviously, that isn’t true. It isn’t true because quickly, he’s followed by two men. One is pudgy with a round face, dressed casually in a Superman tee-shirt and Clark Kent glasses to match. My eyes trail over to the other guy and my breath catches.

He’s massive. 6’3 at least, with broad shoulders and just-barely-shoulder-length jet black hair that cascades into waves. His eyes are hazel and sharp, and staring straight at me. He’s wearing black slacks and oxfords to match. His black dress shirt is tight around his chest, complementing his size, and a blood-red tie lies perfectly in the center of his chest. His raven hair does nothing but accentuate the red horns he has sticking from his locks. 

He’s dressed as the devil. 

How fitting.

I swallow and blink, trying to look away in hopes of clearing my mind. 

“Hey, Hux!” Rose blushes as she’s embraced in Hux’s hug.

“So glad you ended up coming. Do you girls want a drink?” he turns and addresses Kaydel and me. 

“Love one. But there’s only light beer.” Kaydel pipes in. 

“That’s because we keep all the good liquor up here!” The pudgy one chimes in excitedly. He reaches across us to open a cabinet, revealing bottles of vodka and whiskey. “What can I make you?”

I never trust people to make our drinks. Seen too many movies, read too many news articles.

“I can make them. Rose, you want your regular?” I step-in and walk towards the bottles. We might be underage but we've had our fair share of parties.

“Yeah, but I gotta use the restroom. Kaydel, come with?” Rose leans away from Hux and grabs Kaydel’s hand, dragging her towards the rest of the party.

“Rey, you good in here?” 

“Yeah, just hurry. I’ll make drinks.”

“Don’t be stingy with the vodka!” Kaydel calls out as being pulled away. Whatever. I make good drinks. She just likes her alcohol to actually taste like alcohol. 

I turn away and begin pulling down the bottles and think of what I can possibly make with the limited supplies I have at my disposal. 

I’m searching around the kitchen for cups when I feel someone from behind me. A very large person. 

“I think these are what you’re looking for.”

His low, timber voice sends shivers down my spine. I slowly turn to face him. The larger of Hux’s friends had laid out three solo cups on the kitchen’s island. 

“Thanks.” I keep my eyes on the cups as I begin filling the cups with vodka, being sure to put extra in Kaydel’s. I’m not stingy. This drink will knock her on her ass.

“Woah. That’s a lot of Vodka.” He chuckles. He’s gorgeous but intense. I can’t seem to keep his gaze that long. 

“Yeah, well. Kaydel seems to think I can’t make a strong drink when in actuality she can’t taste vodka after years of binge drinking.” I giggle and look up into his eyes. He's staring down at me with a lopsided smirk that sends warmth running through me and straight to my core.

“Well, I’m sure that drink will prove her wrong…”

“Rey.”

“Rey. Mhm...Suits you.”

I don’t know what he means but it doesn’t matter, I blush anyways. 

The pudgy guy comes up around us- has he been here the whole time? He whispers something to the devil’s ear. 

Hazel eyes dart to me and then nod to his friend. His friend begins to retreat the way he came when a low voice talks.

“Your friends are in the living room with Hux.” 

“Oh, okay..” I quickly mix in some pink lemonade that I found on the counter. Fuck it, who cares what we’re drinking. We’re not staying long anyways. 

I try and grab all three cups, but I can’t seem to get a grip on them.

“Let me help.”

I’m about to protest, but the man has already grabbed two of the cups from my grasp. My words die on my tongue. I mumble a thank you and he gestures me into the living room. 

Maybe this night won’t be so bad after all. 

* * *

“Breathe. Breathe, Rey.” 

I’m slowly floating back into consciousness. 

Why am I on the floor? Where am I?

I try and look around but I’m greeted with hazel eyes staring back at me. 

My breathing is rapid and I’m taking in gulps of air. 

What the fuck happened?

“Rey, you had a panic attack. I need you to focus for me, we’re going to do a grounding exercise. Tell me one thing you can see, hear, taste, smell, and touch.”

“Um, okay… um… I can hear my breathing. I can smell...your cologne."

"What does it smell like?"

I try and focus on the sent without letting myself to get too caught up in it.

"Smokey and woodsy..."

"Okay, what can you taste?"

"I can taste… my tea?”

“That’s good, keep going for me. What can you see and feel?”

“Okay… I can see you in front of me, and I can feel the carpet...”

“Very good, Rey.” Dr. Ren’s eyes are large with worry and I can’t help how it softens my heart. He looks so afraid that it makes him look like a little kid.

A few moments of silence pass between us as my breathing regulates. After a minute or so, he rasps out, barely above a whisper, “Do you feel well enough to sit on the couch?”

I nod and he helps me back onto the couch I was once seated on. 

“This hasn’t happened to me before…”

I try and remember what I was talking about before I passed out but it’s blurry. 

“I think we discovered one of your triggers.” 

He seems to be attempting to gain some distance between the two of us as he leans back on his legs, wrinkling what I’m sure is expensive slacks. They probably cost more than my yearly salary. The loss of his closeness leaves me with an emptiness I don’t want to name.

“We can look further into the trigger during our next session. For now, I just want to ensure you get home safely.”

I smirk, “No more picking my brain for today?”

He chuckles and meets my eyes, “No, I think we’ve covered everything we needed to for this session.”

I begin to shift in my seat and grab my bag on the floor, pulling out my cell phone. 

“What time can I plan to see you next?”

His eyes light up and I see the ghost of a smile on his lips, “We can talk about it on the way to your house.”

“Wait, what?”

He arches his eyebrow while he begins standing up and walking behind his desk to grab an expensive-looking pair of car keys. 

“You shouldn’t drive after having a panic attack. It could be dangerous.”

“I can get Poe to pick me up.” I rush out. Why? I don’t know. But I do know that Poe wouldn’t come get me. Most he’d do is send me money for an uber. That’s if he actually answered my call. 

“I’m already here. Besides, I was heading out of the office after our appointment anyway and it’s on the way.”

“Isn’t it a conflict of interests?”

He almost cracks a full smile at this and walks over to me. He’s only a few inches apart from me when he reaches down and brushes a hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear slowly. 

I breathe a shuddering breath through my mouth and he mumbles lowly, 

“Why are you so scared of getting in trouble?”

Before I can wrap my head around what he means, he straightens his back and takes a half step back, no longer overcrowding me.

“Since you are my patient, and you had an episode in my office during one of our sessions, it would be irresponsible to not ensure your safety.”

I guess he’s right. But even if he’s not- I’m so wrapped up with the feeling of being close to him that I could probably be convinced of anything. 

Trying to gain a sense of control, I straighten my back and step away from his orbit. 

“Okay, well…thank you.”

We both grab our belongings and head out the door, making our way past his flirty receptionist. 

Does she know that I passed out? If she does, she makes no indication of it as we both exit the office.

He drives a sleek, black Porsche. Somehow the car is almost as sexy as he is. Almost.

The drive to my apartment takes longer than expected, with the lunch rush coming. 

  
Kylo eases the awkwardness with questions about what I do in my free time, what Netflix shows I’m watching, and what some of my favorite foods are.

It’s nice to have someone interested in me again. I try to shake that thought. I shouldn’t feel this way for someone who’s not my fiance.

We arrive. My apartment has always been on the eastside. Ever since I moved here the eastside has always had the cheapest places to rent out of the whole city. For someone who came from nothing, even my shitty apartment is something I’m proud of. So as Kylo’s eyes take in the run-down area that makes up my home, my pride doesn’t allow me to feel embarrassed. At least, not fully. 

“We can meet next week on Thursday, the same time as today. But expect some emails from me checking your progress throughout the week.”

“Sounds good, doc.” I try to make light of the unavoidable hardship I’ll have to face next session. That’s not a worry I need to concern myself with right now. 

I make to move out of the car when I feel his hand grab mine. I turn back and meet his gaze. His eyes look to be black in color but it could just be the lighting. Probably. 

“Rey,” his voice raspy and full of what, I'm afraid to name, “please reach out to me if you need anything. My job is to be here for you. I can’t do that if you don’t allow me in.”

Goosebumps rise throughout my body and I try to hide the shiver that rolls through me. Is it possible he actually cares about me? Not just from a professional standpoint, but a personal one?

I smile and allow myself to take him in. I take a deep breath. Maybe everything will end up okay.

“I will Kylo. I promise.”

and I never break a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all :)
> 
> sorry for the lateness. trying to find time to write has been hard.
> 
> I also got a bit discouraged with writing this fic, but I pushed through to release this chap. Still not sure how long this will end up being but i guess that's a journey we'll go on together.
> 
> Let me know how we're feeling in the comments!!! Your comments are the only thing that keeps me going when i reach a mental block, so they are much appreciated!


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